Hope & Silver Linings

We all have our own unique struggles in life.
Not one person on this earth is exempt from the pain and the struggle of life.
My struggle happens to be with chronic illness. My health issues started when I was a child but progressively got worse and more concerning by the time my 20's came around. Now, I'm a 26 year old with a handful of diagnoses I never thought I'd have at my age. Among them are a connective tissue disease, Fibromyalgia, Raynauds, Endometriosis, & suspected ME/CFS & POTS. 
As a child and teen, I had many dreams, aspirations and hopes about my future. 
I wanted to do something significant and great with my life, but the most important thing to me was to become a wife and mother and have a garden and a humble little farm to raise a few animals. 
Chronic illness completely shattered my hopes, dreams and reality. The last few years led to my reality check, when I finally realized that my body couldn't even handle working a part time job. I didn't think I would be this sick at my age but I am. It gave me a complete reality check and shook my world and what I thought life was supposed to be. It also completely changed my relationship with God. Now, I have so many doubts and fears about my future. Will I be able to or ever have children? Will I get healthier? Live a long life with my husband? Will any of these health problems go away? So many questions with no answers. 
It's really easy to lose hope when you're in the trenches of suffering. 
But lately, something in me has shifted.
I think God has been tugging on my heartstrings.
I've recently thought... but what if I try? Try to do everything that I can to be healthier, even if my health changes only slightly. The fact is that I tried. But what if I hope? Even if my hopes and dreams are crushed again. At least I tried. But what if I pray, and believe? Even if God doesn't answer my prayers now, or ever. At least I did something. 
I don't want to become a victim to the bad things that happen in life.
Something that gives me hope is thinking about the life of Job. He was probably the most tortured soul on this earth. Everything he knew was taken away from him and yet he didn't curse God. Instead, he cried out and talked to God. After his suffering was over, God repayed him for his belief and endurance.
My point with all this is that it's really easy to get caught up in the bad things that happen in life and think, woe is me. But I think it's really important to try to look for the slivers of hope in this harsh world... to keep going amidst pain. Because life never stops, even when we feel like it has.
For me, my hope is found in Christ. Even though I have questioned Him and doubted Him countless times. One thing that keeps me going is knowing that God never changes. He is always a constant in this ever changing world. And that He has a plan for my life even when I don't understand the things that happen in it.
What do you find hope in?


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